Hey Friends!

Yesterday, I got hit with some news that shook me. You know the kind—the kind that sends you spiraling into that mental drama where your thoughts are racing, and emotions are all over the place. I felt the urge to talk it out, to get it off my chest, but every time I tried, I stopped myself and said, “Nevermind, I don’t want to talk about it.”

A coworker noticed I was off and encouraged me to share what was obviously weighing me down. But I wasn’t ready. I needed to sit with my thoughts and feelings, to sort through everything on my own before letting anyone else’s opinions or perspectives into the mix.

Here’s where I landed after some deep reflection:

The news came from someone I trust and respect immensely, but I wasn’t there. I didn’t witness the conversation firsthand. That got me thinking—would I have interpreted the situation the same way if I’d been there? What if I heard it differently?

With this in mind, I asked myself the most important questions: Now that I have this information, what do I want to do about it? Do I really want it to affect me the way I was letting it? How do I choose to feel about it now? And most crucially, what do I want to make it mean for me?

These questions were a game-changer because they reminded me of the one thing I have complete control over—my response. It wasn’t about what happened or what was said; it was about what I decided to think, believe, and feel in response. Those decisions would shape my next steps.

In the midst of all this emotional turmoil, I realized that the only thing my reaction was doing was making me mad. And here’s the thing: when emotions are high, intelligence is low.

When Emotions Run High, Wisdom Takes a Back Seat

Have you ever heard the saying, “When emotions are high, intelligence is low”? It’s a simple truth that we often overlook. When we’re in the throes of strong emotions—whether good or bad—we’re not in the right headspace to make sound decisions. That’s why I didn’t want to talk about it with anyone just yet.

Another reason I held back was that I wanted to hear my own thoughts first. Too often, we rush to friends or family for validation before we’ve even figured out where we stand. And what happens then? We end up with someone else’s perspective—often biased, and not always helpful—clouding our judgment.

I was reminded of a time when someone came to me about their marriage, looking for advice. They were struggling with their spouse’s cultural expectations and wanted to either change them or leave the relationship. My initial reaction was to side with them, thinking those expectations were unreasonable. But then I realized I was only hearing one side of the story—a biased, self-supporting side. I was giving validation instead of insight.

That moment was a wake-up call. It taught me that people can only offer advice based on their own experiences, beliefs, and limitations. They can’t guide you beyond their understanding, and sometimes, their well-meaning advice does more harm than good.

Owning Your Perspective

So, before letting anyone else weigh in, I decided to get clear on my own perspective. By the time I did that, I didn’t even feel the need to talk to anyone else about it. It wasn’t about avoiding support—if you need it, by all means, get it. But know that the best support often comes from within. There are so many tools available to help you process your thoughts and emotions. And when you get good at using them, they can change your life in ways that go far beyond the situation at hand.

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