How to Build Confidence and Self-Trust Without Rushing Your Growth, Even if You’re Struggling to Celebrate Where You Are Right Now
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Today's Manifesto is Your Guide to Letting People Simmer in Their Wins
Let’s talk about something I know many of us struggle with—seeing someone’s potential, knowing their “next step,” and wanting to nudge them toward it. It’s natural, right? You see where they could be, what they could achieve, and you get excited. But here’s the thing: in our excitement to push others toward their future, we often overlook where they are right now. And that space? That space they’re standing in deserves just as much attention, respect, and celebration as what lies ahead.
Why the Present Space Matters
Here’s the truth: the space someone is currently in is often their foundation. It’s where confidence is built. It’s where they learn to trust themselves. It’s where they take a moment to realize, “Damn, I worked hard to get here.” And yes, they’re probably not going to stay there forever, but rushing them to the next level denies them the opportunity to fully absorb and celebrate what it took to arrive at this level.
Think about it. Have you ever worked your butt off to achieve something, only for someone to immediately point out the next challenge you “should” tackle? No pause, no acknowledgment, just, “Great, but what about XYZ?” It’s deflating. And worse, it implies that the work you’ve done so far doesn’t matter because someone else is already thinking about the next milestone.
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The Confidence-Confidence Loop
Confidence doesn’t just magically appear when you reach your goals. It’s built in the spaces where you take time to honor your journey. When someone is allowed to simmer in their accomplishments—whether it’s small or monumental—they build the self-trust and assurance they’ll need to conquer the next challenge.
And this isn’t just true for others. It’s true for you. How many times have you looked at your progress and thought, “I should be further along,” instead of realizing, “Wow, I’ve come a long way”?
We all need to learn to savor the simmer. Because that simmering builds the internal strength to leap forward—not from a place of pressure or other people’s expectations, but from a place of readiness.
The Danger of Pushing Too Soon
Here’s the rub: when we push others to “what’s next” without understanding where they are now, we risk invalidating their journey. And let’s be honest, sometimes that push comes from our own need to fix, direct, or control—things that have way more to do with us than the person we’re trying to help.
This is especially true when we don’t know their full story. Maybe we’re looking at their situation from the outside, assuming we know what’s best. But unless you’ve been with someone since day one—through their struggles, wins, and everything in between—your advice about “what’s next” might be more of a distraction than a benefit.
Seeing People Where They Are
One of the greatest gifts we can give others is the ability to see them where they are. Not where they could be, not where they should be, but where they are. To say, “I see you. I see how far you’ve come. Let’s take a moment to celebrate that.”
That kind of acknowledgment is powerful. It tells people that their efforts matter. It validates their journey. And most importantly, it lets them know they’re enough right now, in this moment. And..it teaches them to celebrate themselves!
This is a lesson I’m learning for myself, too. I recently found myself in a situation where someone couldn’t see how much work I’d done to get to where I am. They were so focused on pushing me toward what they thought was next that they completely missed the significance of my current space.
And you know what? I had to draw a line. Because I refuse to let someone else’s perspective overshadow what I know to be true about my journey.
The Coaching Lesson
Here’s what I know: We all need someone in our corner who can see us for who we are right now, as well as our potential. Someone who can celebrate our wins, no matter how small they might seem to others. Someone who understands that building confidence and self-trust in the present is the key to unlocking the future.
This is why I believe in coaching, by the way. A good coach doesn’t just push you to the next level—they meet you where you are. They understand your journey, and they honor it.
What to Take Away
Celebrate the Wins: Whether it’s your own or someone else’s, take time to acknowledge what it took to get here.
Simmer in the Moment: Building confidence and self-trust comes from fully experiencing and owning where you are right now.
Stop the Push: Before you nudge someone to their next step, ask yourself if you’re honoring their current space.
See the Full Story: Don’t assume you know what someone needs. Take time to understand their journey before offering advice.
We all need a little push sometimes, sure. But more often than not, what we really need is someone to say, “I see you. You’re doing amazing. Take your time.”
So, let’s normalize celebrating people where they are. Let’s learn to simmer in our own spaces. And let’s remember that the confidence we build today is the launchpad for where we’re headed tomorrow.
Live Pleasurably,
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