Why You Struggle to Know What You Want: Overcoming Doubts and Finding Clarity
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Hey Friends!
In this manifesto, we explore something that many of us struggle with, but rarely talk about: knowing what we truly want. You know the feeling, right? You’ve got a million ideas, desires, and goals swimming in your mind, but you can’t quite figure out which one to pursue. The frustration is real. Sometimes it feels like your dreams are just out of reach or unclear, and no matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to get any closer to understanding your heart’s true desires.
But what if I told you that struggling to know what you want isn’t a sign of failure? It’s not a weakness or a personal flaw. It's actually part of the process of getting aligned with who you really are and what your soul craves. Today, we’re diving deep into the reasons behind this struggle and how you can use it as a tool to move forward with clarity and confidence.
1. The Noise of the World Drowns Out Your Inner Voice
The first reason you struggle to know what you want is probably the most obvious, yet the hardest to avoid: the world around you. We live in a constant state of information overload — everyone has an opinion, an offer, a "better way" to live, work, and succeed. Social media, podcasts, blogs, and books are all filled with voices telling us what we should be doing.
This external noise makes it incredibly difficult to hear the soft whispers of our own desires. It’s easy to get caught up in what others want for you, what’s trending, or what society says you should be striving for. The constant bombardment of "shoulds" can cause confusion and make you question what you actually want — versus what you feel pressured to pursue.
How to Overcome It:
Start by giving yourself permission to tune out the noise. Step away from social media for a few days. Unsubscribe from newsletters. Take a break from the influence of others. Create space to reconnect with yourself — without distractions. Your desires are already within you, but they can only come to the surface when you stop drowning them out with the opinions of others.
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2. You’ve Been Conditioned to Prioritize Others Over Yourself
Another big reason you may not know what you want is because you’ve spent so much of your life putting others first. Maybe you’ve been taught that your needs are less important, or that focusing on yourself is selfish. This is especially common in women who are raised to be caretakers, nurturers, and people-pleasers.
As a result, you may have learned to ignore your own desires in favor of making others happy. Whether it’s your family, friends, or even your clients, you’ve conditioned yourself to prioritize what others need and want before your own. Over time, this can make it nearly impossible to recognize what you truly want, because you’ve spent so much energy focusing on others.
How to Overcome It:
Start practicing self-care and self-compassion. Reclaim your right to ask yourself, “What do I want, independent of anyone else’s expectations?” You don’t need to feel guilty about wanting something just for you. Your desires are valid, and the world will be better for it when you honor them.
One of the simplest ways to do this is by journaling. Ask yourself open-ended questions like:
“What would my life look like if I gave myself permission to go after what I truly want?”
“If I didn’t have to worry about pleasing anyone else, what would I choose?”
Give yourself time and space to explore these questions and allow the answers to come naturally.
3. You’re Afraid of Making the “Wrong” Choice
It’s also possible that you’re struggling to know what you want because you’re afraid of making the wrong decision. The fear of failure, of choosing something that doesn’t pan out, can paralyze us into inaction. You might think, What if I pick the wrong career path, relationship, or business venture? What if it doesn’t work, and I waste time, energy, and money?
This fear is natural — but it’s also rooted in perfectionism. The idea that there’s one “right” choice and if you choose the “wrong” one, you’ll fail. But the truth is that there’s no such thing as a perfect path. Life is fluid, and we can always pivot, adjust, and learn from our experiences. What seems like a wrong decision might just be a step on the way to something better.
How to Overcome It:
Shift your mindset from perfectionism to experimentation. Instead of thinking of decisions as “right” or “wrong,” see them as experiments or learning opportunities. This takes the pressure off and allows you to make choices more freely. Remind yourself that no choice is final — you can always change your mind, learn new things, and evolve.
Take small steps toward what you think you want. This is less about finding the perfect answer right now and more about gathering information through action. Trust that the clarity will come as you move forward.
4. You Don’t Trust Yourself Enough
Trusting yourself — your intuition, your gut feeling, your desires — is a muscle that needs to be strengthened over time. If you’ve been through experiences where you’ve ignored your own inner voice, dismissed your needs, or second-guessed your decisions, it’s understandable that you might struggle to trust yourself. Lack of trust can make it feel impossible to figure out what you truly want.
But here’s the thing: you already have everything you need inside of you. Trusting yourself is a practice, not a destination. You don’t need to have everything figured out to take aligned action. The more you act in ways that feel good to you — even in small ways — the more you build confidence in your ability to make the right choices for yourself.
How to Overcome It:
Start with small, everyday decisions. What do you feel like eating today? What type of activity brings you peace? Trust yourself in these small moments, and allow them to build over time. The more you honor what you truly desire, the easier it becomes to make bigger decisions with confidence.
Another way to deepen your trust in yourself is to practice mindfulness. Meditation, breathing exercises, or simply taking time to sit with yourself in silence can help you reconnect to your intuition. In those moments of stillness, ask yourself, “What do I really want?” and listen. The answers might surprise you.
5. You’re Not Giving Yourself Permission to Want Anything at All
Sometimes, the biggest barrier to knowing what you want is that you simply haven’t given yourself permission to want anything. Maybe you feel unworthy of having your desires fulfilled, or perhaps you’ve become so accustomed to not wanting anything that you’ve forgotten how to dream.
Giving yourself permission to want something — to desire pleasure, success, peace, joy, or anything else — is an act of self-love. And guess what? You deserve it.
How to Overcome It:
Give yourself permission. Right now. No judgment, no guilt, no shame. Write down what you truly want. Let go of the idea that it’s selfish or unattainable. You are worthy of your desires. The universe is abundant, and there’s space for your dreams.
The Bottom Line
The struggle to know what you want is not a weakness; it’s a sign that you’re in the process of self-discovery. By creating space for yourself, honoring your intuition, and giving yourself permission to dream big, you’ll begin to unravel the layers that have been covering your true desires.
And, if you’re feeling stuck, remember: sometimes, the act of simply moving toward what feels aligned — even imperfectly — is the key to finding clarity.
Take a breath. Trust that the answers will come when you create space for them.
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